Bound to Offend


“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

Henry David Thoreau


It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear, birds were singing, and the snow was a fine powder giving you a feeling of weightlessness as you floated down the trail. I was peacefully going down the slope in a very smooth and eloquent fashion when all of the sudden a sharp pain arose on my left side. The next thing I noticed was that I was not upright anymore. After being thrown off balance, I looked to my immediate left and their, looking like a fence after a tornado hit it was, ‘a skier’. His poles were thrown down the mountain in the same way a harpooner attacks a whale. His two fence pieces that were previously attached to him had run away off the edge of the trail into the forest. Legend has it that they still reside their to this day. The gentleman looked up and in his disheveled, confused state proceeded to accuse me of the calamity that just occurred. A lot went through my mind while this was happening. For one thing, I noticed right away the hatred in this skiers eyes for snowboarders. By his words and actions it was obvious that this skier had the snowboard envy. What is the snowboard envy you ask? Well its simple. As time passes things are constantly being improved upon in almost all aspects of life. Snowboarding is a relatively new sport and completely improved upon the art of going down the side of a mountain. One of the biggest differences being the lack of excess equipment. When you snowboard you only have one thing to worry about not four as skiers most often do (two poles and two skis). Its this simplicity that makes snowboarding an art form. When your life is simpler you worry less equating to a happier life. So anyway lets continue with the story. After witnessing the hatred in the mans eyes I kindly stood up, (still attached to my board, of course) smiled (under a facemask) and said, “have fun connecting all the dots” and continued on my way down the face of the mountain. I often wonder how long it took him, if he even did, to find all his missing pieces. No, I didn’t feel bad for just getting up and leaving. I would have gladly helped by at least going and acquiring the whaling spears from the white beast and returning them to this captain Ahab. But he made the mistake of being a skier and calling me some not nice words and then proceeding to tell me it was all my fault. There was no need to blame me. He had only himself and the fact that he was misguided in the art of going down the mountain.
Perhaps he did not want to be one with the mountain. I’m not saying all snowboarders are one with the mountain you can clearly see that for yourselves on any mountain that’s covered in snow. But most tend to have flow and respect for others. Therefore I am petitioning that skiers please throw down their weapons and connect their fence pieces together to better be one with the mountain, or just buy a snowboard. Then tell yourself that your life is about to get happy.
-Wolves and Penguins unite!!!-

Barton